When We Read the Fan Fiction
by scorpiaux
Summary: The characters of ATLA gather to discuss all of the fan fiction that they've found so far, refuting what many of you writers think and letting the truth be known. We will discuss Zutara, KatAang, Toka, etc... Rated for language.
1. Victims Gather

**When We Read the Fan Fiction**

**Summary:** The characters of A:TLA comment on what they've found so far on fan fiction sites, refuting what many people think and letting the truth be known.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. After reading this, you'll find out why.

**Author's Note**: Hello everyone! Another quick fic to shake the ages. As the title suggests, this will be comical, funny, hilarious, and all those good things in between. I also hope the fumbling majority will find refuge in this fic, and maybe even rethink a few of your _own_ fictions.

I may be a little biased but I hope that doesn't show too much. I hope you get a chuckle or two out of it, and not say (like I know some of you will) "LIKE OMG HOW CAN SHE SAY THAT ABOUT (insert character here)?! This is meant to be funny, and I hope it shows.

I should also mention that this is my first swing at comedy, so remember to review.

There's a huge thing this fic relies on: Y-O-U. I need to know if it is okay to include characters from your fictions into this one, or just the fiction's theme altogether. I will not take Mary Sues and use them without asking. I'm not too fond of Mary Sues anyway but if I need them I will use them (mostly, I will poke fun at all ships and spoofs and other things like that. This fic is funny, remember?)

Review with your opinions (and please tell me if you laughed or not)!!

-ScorpioRed112 (_A.K.A. The Fic Shrink) _

* * *

**The Victims Gather**

I didn't know where to start, or how to force all of these different people into one another. I was ready for some tears and for some regrets, but most of all I wanted the truth.

Any fiction reader can take a gander at any fan fiction site and get misled right away. It's easy to say that some relationships (or "ships", for those of you new at this) are more popular than others. Take a look at "Zutara" (which is short for Zuko and Katara's relationship...if it can even be called that). Now, this ship is quite popular but the chances of it happening in the actual show are so very slim! No matter, I know you are excited so let's keep going.

I found a warehouse and set it up nice and fancy, put couches and tables and pitchers of water—set up rooms and waiting rooms and restrooms. I know you're going to laugh but I wanted this place to be comfortable. I mean, imagine if everyday millions of kids around the globe wrote fictions about _you_ every other day or so! The thought is not only horrifying but also sickening.

When I though the place was ready I started mailing the characters. They were reluctant.

_Dear Zuko,_

_I know you have no idea who I am but I would really like to help you! Ships are a terrible thing that can happen to any character, and I know that this stage of your life has been both difficult and mind numbing. Please write back and come to my gathering!_

_-Your friendly neighborhood Fic Shrink_

Now isn't that a pleasant letter? I thought it would yield an equally pleasant response; instead I got:

_Whoever the hell you are,_

_I don't need your help and I don't want it. I'm not replying to anymore of your useless letters. Stop stalking me._

He didn't even sign it! Eventually I got Zuko to join by changing my choice of words.

_Prince Zuko,_

_Your presence is requested in Lord Ozai's Court. Your banishment has been lifted. Please come to the attached address to receive further information._

_-Fire Nation Council_

Needless to say, he came running after that. But he isn't all that important. Getting Katara to join was about a hundred times as bad.

_Dear Katara,_

_I know you've been a victim of some awful ships and horrid crossovers. I would love to help you overcome these unpleasant happenings. Please use the attached address for replying. _

_-Your friendly neighborhood Fic Shrink_

Katara wouldn't even reply! I assumed that she disregarded any (fan) mail she received. After about 12 letters or so, I just came up to her in person and used all persuasion techniques possible (including _some_ lying) to get her to come.

They gathered grandly. Zuko and Iroh arrived first, than Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Aang, and then about 7 fiction Mary Sues (all of whom were dismissed immediately).

As much as I didn't want to, I made them sign contracts. I know, I know...stupid idea, right? Well, I didn't want something horrible happening. This is how one of the contracts looked like:

_After meeting with the Fic Shrink, I promise not to:_

_1. Attack enemies that I know on the show, or hurt people beacuse they are part of the Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom, Water Tribes, etc..._

_2. Dismiss anyone from the meeting using force, fists, etc..._

_3. Destory any of the Fic Shrink's property with bending or any form of violence, like coffee tables, chairs, beds, walls, etc..._

_4. Blame the Fic Shrink for damages done to my body by anyone else, sue the Fic Shrink, or leave without being dismissed._

_5. I WILL answer all of the Fic Shrink's questions, treat the Fic Shrink with respect, as well as my fellow foes/friends, and let the truth be known._

They eached signed an individual contract, then assembled around the coffee table, on the couches, and were silent. Then the first meeting began.

My original plans had been to start off with one of the most blaring ships: Zutara. And as I've told you before this is a wildly popular ship. And it also collides with another one: KatAang (or Katara and Aang).

"Well, hello everyone!" I went around the table and shook their hands. "My name is Dr. A. Shrink, and my specialty is dealing with embarrassing or annoying ships, commentaries, fictions, stuff like that. So, how is everybody feeling tonight? Ready to get some stuff off our chests?" My opening line.

No answer: complete silence, shifting of eyes.

"OK...let's start by introducing our selves, shall we? Prince Zuko, would you mind going first?"

"How the hell are you supposed to be a doctor? You're no older than I am!" Then he scowled at me.

He _was_ right. I was actually a self-proclaimed doctor, and so I pulled out my self-proclaimed certificate.

"Hmn. That's all a good pile of rubbish right there, sir," I said. "If I wasn't a doctor, would I have this?" I pointed to the false certificate. Aang and the rest blinked, and believed it.

Oh God this was hard! Now that that was out of the way, how was I going to get them to confess things? I had an idea.

"Now, I know that this is difficult. Hmn...let's start with what I wanted to start with." I turned to Zuko. "How does 'Zutara' make you feel, Zuko?"

Finally, a response! His eyes narrowed. "Sick to my stomach."

"Well!" Katara's voice rang loud and from the other side of the room. She crossed her arms. "Me too!"

This was simply remarkable. I nearly exploded.

"Katara, have anything to say?" I started taking notes, which I have outlined for you in the following pages.

_Katara: Yeah, um. First of all, it's not like _I _approved of that...Zutara._

_Zuko: -_standing up_- I never said you did. It's just disgusting._

_Katara: -_also standing up_- What are you saying? It IS disgusting!_

_Z: I seriously don't have time for this. –_heading for door-

_K: What, so he can just leave? –_also heading for door_-_

_Aang: -_standing up and blocking door_- Guys, we have to stay for at least twenty minutes, remember?_

Z: Who made you the boss, you bald little brat.

_K: What did you say to him?! _

The notes stopped after that.

"Hey, hey...let's all take a deep breath and start over, okay? Remember, you have to stay at least twenty minutes."

"You aren't paying me enough for this," remarked Sokka.

"Well." But then I had an idea. I was mainly discussing Katara, Zuko, and Aang. The presence of these other characters was by no means necessary. "Sokka, Iroh, and Toph, you guys can leave—sit in the waiting room if you'd like."

Their smiles spread wide, they left the meeting. "How come they get to leave?" Katara asked me immediately. "We don't need any help, anyway. I don't even understand why we're here!"

"Me neither," Aang retorted.

"Guys, let me introduce you to a little thing I call, 'the Internet.'" And so as I took out my laptop I saw the distressed faces of those poor souls as they gathered around me. With horror-struck eyes they read the rambling excess of fan fiction that plagued the Internet sites.

How frightened they were! How simply and plainly frightened! For the first time throughout the meeting I felt as though I was finally getting a true blue response.

"Oh...my...God..." Katara whispered. "Oh...my...G—"

"What the hell is this? Who writes this shit?" Zuko stormed away from the screen.

"How come they all think I'm a little kid? It's like Zuko is the main character or something." Aang had obviously been introduced to new dimensions of a male/female relationship, because he was blaring red and fidgety and frightened after reading.

They began another parade of comments. And so I pulled out my notebook and began taking notes again (mostly for you, remember), so excited I nearly cried.

_K: -_shaking head-_ Oh my God...Oh my God..._

_A: I seriously need to have a chat with the board._

_K: -_still shaking head_- Oh my God..._

_Z: Stop acting like you've never seen this before! You know that people write about us all the time!_

_A: Well it's not fair that I'm suddenly the little kid._

_K: -_standing up and pointing to Zuko_- EXCUSE ME?! I'm the one that gets paired with –_pointing to Zuko_- that!_

_Z: -_also standing up_- Like I'm happy about this arrangement! _

_K: You would be! Disgusting scum!_

_Z: -_enraged_- What did you say?!_

_A: -_looking at clock_- Our twenty minutes are almost up. Let's not fight._

_Z: You didn't even mention half the stuff they wrote about –_pointing to Aang_- that! It's like you don't mind the whole other end of the spectrum._

_A: Hey, at least KatAang is possible. _

_K: -_turning to Aang_- What?! It is __not__ possible! _

_(Sudden silence)_

_A: It's...not?_

_K: No! No of course it's not possible._

_(Sudden silence)_

_Z: Stupid peasant! Can't you see he likes you?_

_(Sudden silence)_

The notes ended abruptly as I interfered. "OK, I don't think this is working out too well. Katara, who do you want to end up with?"

Katara's face was as red as...I don't really know. Any sort of super red thing, like an apple maybe, or a cherry, or blood, or a mixture of the three. And she rubbed her arm in a slow and uncomfortable matter and sat down.

She didn't answer.

"Fine. Aang, how about you?"

Suddenly he was red too.

"Zuko?"

"No one."

"Reeeeeally?" I asked. "Really you don't? Not even Mai?"

"Who the hell is Mai?" His voice was as cold as anything. He glared. "How do you even know about her?"

Let me pause and tell you that I do not care much for Zuko or Mai—and that, frankly, I just dislike the Fire Nation all together. But this was a time of Zutara and KatAang, so I didn't ask or prod Zuko to go on. Maybe on some other day, I would ask him.

"Stop being such a jackass," Katara called, and then she turned to me. "Why don't you just accept the fact that he's hopeless and let him leave?"

Now this was a big step because at first I thought they had all wanted to leave. Now it seemed that they wanted to stay. I became terribly excited.

"Katara, let me ask you this one thing," I said. "Do you think KatAang is possible?"

She blinked. "Hmn—how can it—ever be possible?"

Aang, who looked utterly and completely destroyed inside, looked up. "How about you, Aang? Do you think KatAang is possible?"

He began chewing on his lips. "Well...well, I had thought that it was possible." In a defeated voice he asked, "Katara...why isn't it possible?"

"Oh!" Katara shot up like a bullet. "Oh! Why are you doing this to us? We were perfectly happy before!"

"I think the kid asked you a question," Zuko stated, smiling like the devil.

"Shut your face!" Katara screamed.

I asked Zuko if he would kindly move to the waiting room with his uncle since the conversation had flipped. And he left immediately and I heard the screen door slam shut.

"Well," I said. "Why don't you answer Aang's question?"

"Oh..." Miserably Katara began rubbing her temples, sighing. "Oh...I just don't know."

Aang, whose eyes were (I swear) moist, blinked a few times. "You...would rather be with someone older, wouldn't you?"

They began a conversation and I took out my pen and smiled broadly.

_K: No...no it's not that at all._

_A: Than what is it?_

_K: It's just that I've grown so used to you...as a brother, almost._

_A: -_shaking head_- You know that's not true._

_(Sudden silence)_

_A: Well what is it?_

_K: I don't really know. Maybe it is because you're so young._

_A: I knew it! What am I supposed to do about my age, Katara? Huh? It's not like I picked how old I was going to be! I thought you...you..._

_K: I know—I know it's just that—_

_A: No forget it!_

_(Sudden silence)_

_K: -_lifting hand_- Aang—_

_A: Just forget it._

They stopped talking, and I was worried.

"Katara, if Aang was your age or Sokka's age, would it make a difference?" I put the pen away.

"No...no, just..."

I saw that we were not making progress and that Aang was getting "aangry" (It's a pun, see? "aang" and then..ok, I think you get it). I didn't want to be responsible for his depression. "Katara," I said. "I know you have a thing for that Avatar sitting next to you. And it shows so blatantly that it's impossible to miss."

She grew terribly nervous—all red, and fidgety, and moving her knees up and down like an engine. "It's true, isn't it?" When she didn't answer, I told her she can go in the waiting room if she'd like, and she bolted out the door.

Now it was just the Avatar and I. Happily, I moved close to him.

"Aang, you are dealing with a very difficult species of human: girls."

He jutted his lower lip as forward as it would go and stared at me as if I were the cause of all his problems. "I already think I learned about 'girls' from that Internet of yours."

I laughed nervously. "Listen, Katara's just a girl and just human. And I can tell you from experience—us girls, well, we don't like to come right out and say we love something." I paused for him. "Some times we love something in a different kind of way. We're a bit more complicated than that."

He blinked, as if this did not matter and as if Katara was the exception. She should have hugged him and kissed him and told him she loves him to his face. "Is my twenty minutes up?" He stood.

Sighing, I told him it was. I knew I had failed—and, possibly, ruined the KatAang relationship all together. I stood up and went to the waiting room.

When I arrived I took out my pen and took note of their behavior.

_Iroh: sleeping, leaning against Zuko, who has arms crossed and looking at me angrily._

_Toph: Also sleeping, leaning slightly against Sokka who looks afraid (maybe doesn't want to wake her?)_

_Toph: Never mind; just saw Toph blink. She's pretending?_

_Sokka: Looking worriedly to Katara's direction._

_Katara: staring at aquarium next to her on other end of room, still red, and still fidgety._

_Aang: Left from my side and sat next to Sokka. Still "aangry"._

"What are you writing?" Sokka asked as soon as I came out. "Can we leave now or what?"

"I want to get paid," Toph chimed in, waking from her "slumber."

I put the notebook and pen away, clapping my hands together. "You will all get your money and much more if you agree to one thing."

They all looked at me as if I had killed someone. They scowled—all except Katara, who sat guardedly on the other end of the room.

"I'm going to ask you to stay," I said finally. "For each day you're here, you'll be paid double the original payment."

"What!" Zuko stood up crossly. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Where are we supposed to stay? You never mentioned this before!"

"There are rooms upstairs and about...and...I didn't mention it before, and I'm sorry. I was afraid you wouldn't come. But now since you're here, I figure, why not? I know you'll find it worth the trouble." I smiled.

They stood up and headed for the door. Oh no! Now what was I going to do? They couldn't leave me! I needed to find the answers, to know the truth!

What am I saying? In a twenty-minute session I had completely destroyed a ship. _Maybe I should let them go..._

But I am (mind me) a jackass by nature—so stubborn that I can hold my will against my bubbling self-dignity and self-conscience. I stood up and blocked the door and told them I'd pay the triple the original payment. And the looked at each other and talked it over.

And they decided to stay.

I took out my pen and assigned rooms.

_Room One (holds 4 people): Zuko and Iroh_

_Room Two(holds 6 people): Sokka and Toph_

_Room Three (holds 3 people): Aang and Katara_

_Room Four (holds 2-3 people): VACANT._

It was about midday when I read this for them, and the sun was already setting behind the clouds. They went into their rooms and checked the places out. They grimaced when I told them they would be staying here for another week and that their room partner would change from time to time (and I made sure I kept reminding them how much they were getting paid and of their contracts). I couldn't believe they had accepted.

No one had a problem with their rooming (mostly because I didn't tell them how many people could fit and how many I was assigning) except Katara.

"There's no way you can change it?" She asked me while the others had explored the rooms, and then she slowly added a "doctor?" at the end of the sentence. "There's absolutely no way that Toph can take my place?"

"Nope—all part of the experience." Actually, it was all part of wanting to fix what I did. I knew it would work. Katara and Aang would have to talk to each other at some point. Even if they probably moved their beds to the other ends of the room...no matter. I wasn't changing any one's room partner until they spoke to one another.

Let me tell you of a fantastic secret here: the rooms, they were rigged! I set them up this way. Each had numerous microphones and one camera (located so that it only viewed the door and the area near the door. I wouldn't put it anywhere else). And the microphones? Everywhere except the bathrooms. I was (and still am) not that eager.

But most of all, I planned the twenty-minute sessions to discuss what you readers love doing best: writing fan fictions. We will be reading some of your wonderful creations and discussing them in exemplified detail. You'll be surprised, and fairly disturbed.

_-Until next session, this is your friendly neighborhood Fic Shrink, signing off._


	2. Sessions Begin

**When We Read the Fan Fiction**

**Summary:** The characters of A:TLA comment on what they've found so far on fan fiction sites, refuting what many people think and letting the truth be known.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender, any of the characters, etc... I only own this virtual warehouse.

**A/N:** Extremely thankful to all of you reviewers out there, and if you're not reviewing, I'm going to eat you. With salt. Yeah, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Glad you guys liked the introductory chapter. Hopefully you'll continue to like the ones to come. Review, or I'll eat you. Keep that in mind.

_-ScorpioRed112 (A.K.A. The Fic Shrink) _

* * *

**The Sessions Begin**

Katara and Aang, needless to say, did not like the arrangement. I knew I had to do something, but neither seemed willing to talk about the situation, nor confront it, nor try to change it.

"There is absolutely _no _way I can switch with Toph? And you're absolutely sure?" She must have asked that at least 45 times. And each time the answer was the same. No, Katara, you cannot switch. You have signed a contract, and you belong to be now for the next couple of months, and must follow the rules. Toph's schedule is way different than yours.

Aang did not ask me to switch, but he refused to talk to me or Katara, and spent much of his time either moping around with Toph or complaining to Sokka. I began getting worried. This was not what I had planned.

That was after the first day. On the second day, I began the sessions.

I encountered the fiction-plagued souls at the kitchen table early on the second day, and pulled out my note pad and pen, and looked at them.

"What is it now?" Zuko asked annoyingly. "Are you going to have us jump through hoops like poodle-monkeys? And then take more notes?"

"Why, what good would that do? I have no hoops in the building, and therefore that plan would never work. But, mind you, your sessions will begin today."

"Sessions?" they all groaned.

"Yes, yes. Sessions. Let me explain, dears." I pulled up a chair. "Each day, I will be working with four of you for a total of one hour. They may be all at the same time or all individually or two at a time or a mixture of these combinations. I want to really get to know _who_ you are and what _you_ think. You know, about fanfiction, and fanart, and all that other stuff we've talked about."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Toph stick out her tongue and Zuko cross his arms. "Listen here, I know it's not exciting, but you all signed contracts, and I _am_ a certified doctor."

"So," Sokka asked. "Who's starting?"

"Starting! Well..." I had yet to think about that. Who _would_ start? The thought of Katara and Aang crossed my mind, for I am a sucker for both, but I did not want to dose them up too well. They had just went the other day. Plus, some I knew some alone time would do them good. "Sokka, Zuko, Toph, and Iroh," I stated decisively. "You will go first, this afternoon."

The four stared at me wide-eyed, jaws nearly touching the table. "What?" is all I heard before I headed out the kitchen.

* * *

"This is infuriating!" Zuko cried when we arrived to the session room. "I don't see why we're even here! This is such a waste of time! There is no point to—" 

"Stop your belly-aching!" Toph responded. "You sound like a freaking pregnant woman."

"What?!" Zuko's aggressiveness was noticeable in his tone, and I grew nervous.

"Listen guys, take a deep breath, alright? I know it's a bit stuffy in here, and that you don't really like one another, but this is for the education of the masses. Remember that." They took their seats, around in the couches, and everything grew quiet.

My mind drifted to Katara and Aang, but I decided to pay more attention to this group here, and pulled out my notebook.

"Are we all familiar with the pairings?" I asked.

"Like what?" Sokka responded. "What pairings?"

"You know—um...Toka, Suko, Toku, Muko..."

"What is _that _gibberish?" Iroh asked, and then sighed. "You young people and your fan crazes."

"No, um, sir. Well—here, let me explain it."

I explained it to them, and I will explain it in brief for you. Toka is Sokka and Toph (I, for one, don't have much of a problem with this one). Suko is...well, it's Zuko and Sokka. Yeah, I know. Toku is Zuko and Toph. Not too fond of that, either. And then there's Muko, which is Mai and Zuko. I'm actually a bit okay with this one as well. But remember, it's up to the characters. I waited for their response, and I have outlined it for you here.

_Zuko: That is complete and utter crap!_

_Sokka: How can they...how would they..._

_Toph: __**brows ruffled, face red**_

_Sokka: Oh my God...Oh my..._

_Zuko: What the hell are we supposed to do about this? This is NOT acceptable! First I have to deal with Zutara, and now these things! Uncle, we're leaving!__** Stands up.**_

I cut in after that.

"Hey! I'm sorry if you guys...well, I know it's annoying and everything. But we're here to deal with it, remember? Zuko, since you're so eager, we'll start with you."

He was unhappy about this, and crossed his arms, but he sat down.

"Which of these ships bother you the most?"

"All of them!"

"There isn't a certain one that you really don't mind?"

"All of them are crap."

"Not one is acceptable to you?"

"Not ONE."

"Not even...Muko?"

He glared at me. "Fine," I stated. "I guess we'll have to deal with this some other day. I'm not up to your pregnant woman complaints! Sokka, we'll do you next." Without my consent, Zuko got up and left the room, his Uncle followed, and I sighed.

"Sokka, these all bother you?"

"Well, not that I care much for the angry one over there. It's just annoying that we have to be paired without...um, notice."

"I agree," Toph added. "Who even has time to go through and write this? And think of it?"

"You'd be surprised!" I laughed, thinking of myself. "But really now guys, which ones bother you the most, or the least?"

"I hate Suko. That is just so impossible it makes me want to kill something." Sokka said.

"I hate all of them," Toph replied. "Every last one."

"And...how about Toka? Any response to that?" I was excited. I liked this ship. Not a lot, but enough for me to get excited, and enough for them too, I suppose. I took out my pen.

_S: Well...that also seems impossible. _

_T: __**nodding slowly, red. **__Seeing how there's an age difference._

_S: Right, and different Nations and everything._

_T: And...how we're friends and all. It is pretty impossible._

_S: I know, right? Some of these writers and just plain weird._

_T: Yeah, I agree._

_S: Plus all of the romantics are with my sis and arrow head._

_T: __**laughing. **__Can't argue there._

_S: Neither can I. Tokka. Who would have thought._

_T: __**nodding.**_

"Well! You guys certainly are mature about this whole thing!" I was so surprised I nearly cried. Who would have thought, Sokka and Toph, being so calm?

"We've talked about this before," Sokka informed. "Not really _this _this, but just about ships in general."

"They don't interest us," Toph stated, and then to add to the effect she yawned.

"I see. I guess that destroys my purpose then." I put the note book away. "That just cut an hour session! Amazing."

"I think you need to work more with drama queen over there," Sokka stated. "He's the one that needs the help."

"We don't need to talk about ships. We can talk about anything. What's on your minds?" I stared at each one with content interest. "We can talk about family, or friends, or anything in between."

They were both silent.

"Sokka, do you think you'll be seeing your father again soon?"

"Sure, yeah...I mean, I hope I will."

"Do you miss him?"

He blinked. "Of course I miss him! What kind of question is that?"

"How about you, Toph?"

"I never really knew Sokka's father."

Ha! She was a clever one, that Toph. "No, dearest, I mean _your_ father."

She was silent for a moment, blinking. "Not really. If I don't ever see him again, it wouldn't bother me."

"Are you just saying that for the sake of our audience, or do you really mean it?"

She seemed to be perplexed by this statement. Had I caught her in the act of lying? Maybe. I waited.

"I'm saying that...because it's true."

"Alright. What do you guys think of my warehouse? Do you like living here."

Sokka and Toph both smiled. "Ha," Sokka laughed. "Free food, a place to shower, a place to sleep. It isn't bad. Poorly decorated and annoying, but not bad."

Toph smiled. "You must have spent a lot of money. You know what's on my mind? Why would you go through this?"

It was interesting that they were asking _me_ questions. But I nodded slowly. "I like hearing from the victims," I stated. "Now, you both agree that Katara and Aang are more than friends, too?"

I know, I know. How can I be a doctor when I am so biased. Well remember, SELF-PROCLAIMED. I guess I can be a **bit** biased, can't I? It's only fair.

"Any one can see that," Sokka stated. "But I'm not too worried anymore."

"Why is that?"

"Well...for a fact, I've read my sister's diary, and it's obvious that—"

"SHE HAS A DIARY?" I swear I could have fainted, because I had thought for a very long time that Katara's diary was only a fiction object, something to manipulate. "YOU MEAN THE DIARY IS REAL?!"

Sokka and Toph both jumped back a bit, perhaps questioning my sanity. Sokka peeped up, "yes, yes she does! Jeez, are you going to be okay?"

"Ah..." I relaxed. "I'm going to be much, much more than okay."

"You're crazy. And obsessed," Toph had also retired to her original position. "So what if she has a diary? Are you planning on reading it?"

In truth...okay, I won't lie. I really DID want to read it. Not to invade privacy or whatever, but to learn more about KatAang. My quick thinking saved me. "I won't need to read it, because Sokka here already has, and can tell us about it."

"Ew!" Toph screeched. "I don't want to hear about Katara and Twinkle Toes' secret love life. Gross!" She stood up, and left. "I'm outta here."

"I have to tell you," Sokka warned. "I read this like...a while after Aang joined the group. So it's a bit dated."

A _bit_ dated? A _bit_? It was older than Gran Gran! It would be of no use to me! No use whatsoever! Her emotions and feelings would have changed by then! I hid my head in my hands. "No! That's so old. It'll never do!"

"Sorry to hear that. Can I leave now?"

I nodded miserably and he left me with my sorrow, utterly and completely destroyed with despair.

* * *

"How did the first meeting go?" Katara asked Toph as I listened from the next room. "Bad?" They began a conversation, and I have it here for you. 

_T: __It was fine. We didn't talk about much._

_K: I really want to leave this place. It's giving me the creeps_.

_T: Ditto. **Laughing. **Where's Twinkle Toes? Still sulking?_

_K: **angrily. **How should I know? Why are you asking me?_

_T: Um... _

_K: It's like I'm supposed to know everything about Aang's whereabouts! Ugh!_

_T: Calm down! _

_K: I am calm!. _

_T: You know, you have some serious issues. _

_K: I have issues?! How can you say that?!_

_T: See? You're just as crazy as that shrink, and worse!_

_K: You are infuriating!_

I was expecting arguments, but none like this. Soon I heard the slam of a boulder and a splash of ice and water, and I ran into the room. I found that part of the wall was now in the middle of the area, surrounded by ice and sludge, and part of the ceiling sunken in.

"Guys! How could you!" I pointed to the shambles of furniture and the wall. "My beautiful warehouse! I spent so much money on this! You signed contracts!"

"Don't talk to _me_ about contracts! I never agreed on coming here!" Katara screamed. "This was all some clever trap!"

I grimaced, looking at both of them. "You're acting like children, you've went against your contracts, just cost me hundreds in repairs, and ruined the living room." I sighed, crossed my arms. "I think it's time for a change of plans. A big one! We're changing room partners."

Their mouths hung open, and they screeched "what?!" at the same time.

"I refuse! I'm not staying any where near that control freak," Toph proclaimed.

"I'm not staying near that messy, over grown—Agh!" A slice of rock just missed Katara's head, flying and breaking the window behind her.

"She just tried to kill me!" Katara cried in desperation. "I'll show you—"

But I interfered, grabbing Katara's wrist and Toph's in a gentle but firm manner, looking at both of them. "I'm going to leave the room," I said calmly. "If the room isn't fixed by the time I get back, neither one of you is getting paid, and I'll keep you for an extra week. It's all in the contracts." And then I left, and closed the door behind me.

When I told you that I had fixed the place up, I was not lying, and do not plan on ever lying to you. I added a courtyard and atrium the following couple of days, with trees and shrubs and flowers and complimentary signs. Some of them read: 

_So what if you're only 12? You can SAVE THE WORLD!_

_You're father's love doesn't matter that much. We all love you here!_

_We are all equal: Bending or No!_

_The Fire Nation isn't THAT big. You can take up Firebending if you really want to!_

_It's not so bad being blind! Oh wait— _

_Cross-overs are just another way for fans to say, "I love this show and another one!"_

_The Fire Nation may be scary, but it's really nice on the inside...maybe._

They were very nice signs, homemade and all, and they hung proudly all over the courtyards.

Alas, I grow tired, and my pen has run out of ink and I must buy another one. I hope to hear your reactions to this chapter soon, because I think that we are making progress. Until next time!

-_This is your friendly neighborhood Fic Shrink, Signing off. _


	3. A Stumble and a Blunder

**When We Read the Fan Fiction**

**Summary**: The characters of A:TLA comment on what they've found so far on fan fiction sites, refuting what many people think and letting the truth be known.

**Disclaimer:** I once owned Avatar in a parallel universe, where this fiction actually took place. However, in the third dimension, I, ScorpioRed112, do not own any portion of the show "Avatar: The Last Airbender."** I decree that if I did own the show, Season Three would have aired by now!!**

**A/N**: Thanks to all reviewers! Very glad you like the fiction so far, and hope that the fiction continues to please you. Zutarians, do not be offended by the spicy bit in the last part of this chapter. I'm sorry if this portion does not tickle your fancy. I could tell you that I tried my best, but I would be lying. I didn't try my best to tickle said fancy at all. I hope you will overlook the KatAang fluffiness glitch, and review and love this fiction anyway. There's hope for twists and turns! KatAangers: You caught me red handed! I surrender. I can't help it anymore. Your reviews were too cute, and too true. I'm just a sucker for Aang and Katara both. I'm being a bad, biased doctor...good thing I'm self-proclaimed, or the insurance agency would have my head. And to all of you: the more reviews, the merrier!

-_ScorpioRed112_ (_A.K.A. Dr. A. Shrink) _**:-)**

* * *

_**A Stumble and a Blunder**_

I told you once that I was not going to lie to you, and that I do not plan on ever doing so. Therefore, I am not lying when I tell you that I am, deep, deep, deep down, a true blue KatAanger.

But I was causing my own problems, and I did not know how to stop myself. First of all, you can not force affection, and so when Katara noticed what I was doing (for example, giving her and Aang the most session time), she grew to hate me, and used her bending on the furniture just for spite. It was all a very delicate situation.

I grew very close to Aang, on the other hand, and came to love him like a very annoying bald brother. I showed him the glorious realms of on-line gaming (for example, Runescape and other RPG's). On more than one occasion I caught him on my laptop, enjoying the heck out of himself, on those nerdy role playing sites!

I also dismissed Iroh because he no longer served a purpose. He actually read the fictions and laughed at how people portrayed him as an old tea bag.

Similarly, he laughed at the "grandchildren" fictions. "It is impossible for Zuko to have children, because he cannot love anyone but himself, and this will take a very long time to change." Those were his words exactly. I told him that he should be worried about this, not entertained. He told me that Zuko worried enough for him.

I _didn't_ want Zuko to have this positive role model around, and so I sent an invitation to Mai.

_Dear Mai,_

_You may not know me but I defiantly know you! How, you may ask? It's called Fan Fiction, Mai, and I believe it's gotten the best of you and Zuko over here. I'm afraid he adores you but is just too shy to admit it to himself! Please come to the attached address._

_-Dr. A. Shrink_

She did not come. If fact, she ignored the whole 2,927 letters altogether. I was afraid, for Zuko's sake and for my own. Iroh was gone, and Zuko was the only person here whose blood smelled of the Fire Nation.

So, as I did with the rebellious prince, I changed my choice of words.

_Darling Mai,_

_Please forgive what I have done to you in the past, as my foul attitude has permitted it, and look towards our wonderfully bright future. Please, dearest, come to the attached address._

_-Prince Zuko_

Within the few days after the mail carrier took off, Mai was at the door, bags in hand.

Sokka, fearing for himself and his crew, went crazy.

"This is all a trap, isn't it? You're just pulling everyone from the Fire Nation here slowly, aren't you? I'm not standing for it! Katara, Toph, Aang—get your bags! We're leaving."

I smiled at the confused boy, and shook my head. "Sokka, Sokka, Sokka..." He rasied his brow. "Sokka...Sokka, Sokka, Sokka—"

"Okay! What?"

"Just don't worry about a thing. You sit there and look pretty for all of our fans, and I'll control those disloyal Firebenders, alright?"

Sokka, again questioning my sanity and his safety, bunched his shoulders and left the room.

Ah, yes! Speaking of rooms, I changed the room partners after that _little_ argument between Katara and Toph, and hoped that the new arrangement would work out for the better.

_Room One: Zuko and Mai_

_Room Two: Sokka and Aang_

_Room Three: Katara and Toph_

_Room Four: VACANT _

Aang didn't mind spending time with Sokka, and so to make sure they never grew bored, I bought them each their own laptops, as well as different game stations.

That was also the day, if I remember correctly, that I began counting up the total cost of all the loans I was taking in and out of the bank. Regardless, Sokka and Aang enjoyed the many forms of gaming, and thanked me many times, as I directed my attention to Zuko, Mai, Toph, and Katara.

Hey, no joke, but I didn't start the fire (it's been burning since the world's been turning. That's a song, by the way). I decided to start _with_ fire though, and invited Zuko and Mai into the session room one fine afternoon.

"Hello, Mai. Zuko." I nodded at the two, shook hands, and sat opposite them. "So then, let's start, shall we? Mai, tell me a little about you and Zuko's history."

I noticed that Mai was bored, which was no surprise to me, and she sighed and turned her face. "We grew up together."

"Fabulous!" I cried slowly. "For how long?"

"I saw her for 13 years, along with Azula and Ty Lee," Zuko stated as plainly as possible. "Until I was banished. And there is _nothing _between us, or between me and that Water Tribe peasant, or between me and any one else." His fiery glare, again lighting up his pale adolescent face, made its way to my eyes, and he held his stare as if forced to do so.

"Zuko, Zuko, Zuko..." I began. "Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko—"

"What!" he exclaimed, cutting me off. "What? It's the truth!"

"Let's see what Mai has to say about that." I turned to Mai and dismissed Zuko's glare. The young prince looked towards the door.

Mai was silent. Utterly and completely silent, and blushing. "I don't know," she said plainly. "Maybe if Azula wasn't such a control freak, and if Zuko hadn't been banished, things would have turned out okay."

"Things?" I asked. Zuko, perhaps knowing he forgot to mention "some things" rolled his eyes. I smiled warmly at him. "What things, Mai?"

"I don't know. Things."

"Well, alright." I took out my note pad and pen. "Listen here, what do you guys think of the Fire Nation? I know that not everyone is fond of what the Fire Nation is doing. And since, you know, you're part of it and all, what are your thoughts on this war? Which, as is known, has lasted 100 years."

"It's pointless," Zuko stated. Obviously, talking about war sparked his interest, and his face suddenly glowed with a boyish charm. "It's very pointless. What does my father plan to do once the world has been destroyed? There is no plan about _after _the war. They didn't even know it was going to last 100 years. They thought it was going to take a couple of months all together."

I was shocked. "Well! Obviously the Fire Nation has quite a big ego!"

"They're no match for the Avatar, anyway. He'll learn to go into the Avatar State, and learn to Firebend, and what will the Fire Nation do then?"

"You're right. But Azula shot Aan—I mean, the Avatar, down. So if she can do it, can't Ozai do it too?"

"Azula was trying to kill him, that's a different story. Azula is not sane, and probably forgot that my father wants the Avatar alive. They can't afford another reincarnation."

"I see. Well, Zuko, you have some strong views on this. In fact, Mai, if you'll believe it, this is the most I've heard from him for the past week! Amazing, this child. Now Mai, what do _you_ think of this war?"

"It can't be pointless." She turned to Zuko, with a bit of sass, and continued. "How is it pointless? When the Fire Nation has control of all of the nations they'll be the richest country in the world. They're trying to _unify _those masses of land, Zuko. Not destroy them." She folded one of her legs atop the other in a decisive manner.

This mad Zuko's pupils narrow. His eye even twitched a bit. They started a conversation (more of an argument, if you are watching my vocabulary, which, technically, if you are reading this, you are) and I have it here for you now.  
_Z: How can they say that? Is that the slogan they're using now? Unification?_

_M: You say the word slogan like it's propaganda. They don't need a slogan. It's obvious what they're doing. _

_Z: What are they going to do when it's "unified" then? _

_M: I don't know. But they're preventing the outbreak of any other wars._

_Z: That's shit. No one is going to start a war after they've seen what the Fire Nation has done—especially after what my father has done._

_M: You don't know that for sure._

_Z: And you don't know what they're doing._

_M: __**Silent.**_

_Z: __**Silent**_

_M: __You know, Azula was right; you do act just like a child._

_Z: What?! How dare you—_

_M: You know it's true. Why do you think you got banished in the first place?_

_Z: __**Standing up. **__I'll show you what— _

I cut in. "Hey! No bending, remember? Zuko, sit down. And Mai, don't name call, please. We have enough of that in this place already."

Zuko sat down, and they were both quiet. It seemed as though they could steam the room with their anger, or at least fog the new windows...metaphorically, of course.

"You both have very different ideas of this war," I added, regretting that I had brought it up. "But, we're here to talk about 'ships', so the war talk will have to wait until you're alone." I smiled coyly. "Now then, Mai, do you really think Zuko is childish?"

"Yes."

I shook my head. "No, you know you don't. He's actually become quite handsome, don't you think?" Mai blushed, and diverted her gaze.

"Zuko, you weren't really going to burn Mai to a crisp, were you? That's not gentleman-like...or humane."

Zuko stared at me. "I'm sick of people telling me I'm a child."

Ha! I knew Zuko would have to crack at one point. I smiled broadly, and stretched, looking at my watch. "Well, I think this session is over. Zuko, we're going to go over what you just said next time. No one here thinks you are a child. Just an overgrown prince, is all." He frowned at me. "Mai, I'm going to make you smile before you leave this warehouse of mine."

"Whatever."

"Scowling like that all the time is going to take a toll on your appearance, young lady...and _you_ can't really afford it, now, can you?"

The angry couple left, and I invited Katara and Aang in.

* * *

They came in solemnly. Aang's eyes were a bit puffy (most likely from watching a screen all day), and he seemed drained. Katara was jumpy, obviously a bit ticked off from the previous couple of days, and perhaps a bit sugar high due to the change of diet (which had went from fruits, nuts, and dried meats to cereal, cereal, and the occasional cereal). They sat on opposite ends of the couch, and looked at me. 

"There really is nothing left to talk about," Katara told me immediately. "_Aang_ doesn't understand that love takes time." She jutted her lower lip forward and shifted her weight. She looked at him briefly in a snotty sort of matter, and she pointed at him with her open palm. "He's been acting like an overgrown pup since the first session!"

Aang, aroused by her words, also pointed a palm at his companion. "Yeah, well," he stated, "I don't think _Katara _understands that I have no control over nature, time, or age!" He also jutted his lip just as far, and stared at her. "_She's _acting like a total snob!"

_Here we go,_ I thought. I took out the note pad.

_K:__** Grunts in disgust. **__Well at least I don't drown out my 'sorrow' with video games and the Internet! Since when is the Avatar also a gamer?_

_A: At least I didn't ruin the living room over some stupid argument! You have no control over your anger what so ever._

_K: __**Rolls eyes. **__Says the kid who loses himself in the Avatar State once every week._

_A: __**Mouth agape, gasp. **__If you don't like the Avatar State, than fine! You don't like the Avatar either. I'd hate to see __you__ having this power. You'd be in the Avatar State 24-7!_

_K: So would you if Sokka and I didn't hang around._

_A: I can't believe this! I'm not asking you to stay with me. Leave, for all I care! __**Quietly. **__You probably don't want to hang around anyway. _

_K: __**Silent.**_

_A: __**Silent. **_

_K: Aang...I didn't mean it like that._

_A: __**Silent.**_

_K: I really didn't mean it like that. _

_A: __**Silent.**_

_K: __Sometimes I just...say things._

_A: __**Angrily. **__Yeah. You do._

_K:__** Quietly. **__I didn't mean it like that, though, Aang._

_A: __**Silent, frowning. **__Sometimes...I guess I say things too. _

I nearly cried! That was the first time I didn't abruptly end an argument for fear of destruction of my warehouse. But they made up! At least, it sounded like they had.

"There are deeper arguments here," I stated quietly, and (in an effort to imitate a real doctor) I tapped my pen on the arm of the couch. "Now, I remember learning at my...uh—college—that little things lead to bigger problems. Katara, it sounds like you don't like having all this responsibility. And Aang, you're expecting Katara to be perfect." I looked at him. "Listen, Aang, you have to understand that it's impossible."

They were both quiet. But Aang looked at Katara, obviously remorseful, and turned his body to her direction. "I don't expect you to be perfect," he said in a hallow tone. "Nothing is perfect...I just...always imagined _you _to be..."

"Perfect," she finished for him, and shook her head.

"No! Not perfect, just...different, is all...and you _are _different," Aang's voice had lost it's edge, and the two seemed to be compromising. Overjoyed, I stopped tapping and started writing.

_K: What do you mean 'different'?_

_A: Not in a bad way...in a..._

_K: Good way?_

_A: __**Smiling. **__Okay, but you said it._

_K: What's that supposed to mean?_

_A: Nothing! I just don't want you to get all upset, like the first session. _

_K: __**Silent.**_

_A: __**Quietly. **__You aren't going to leave, are you?_

_K: I said I didn't mean it like that. I told you, I say things. And so do you._

_A: I know._

_K: Well, then. I guess everyone says things._

_A: My thoughts exactly._

_K: __**Quietly, after some consideration. **__I'm glad I'm not the Avatar._

_A: __**Quickly**__**, and by no means considered. **__Me too!_

They laughed, almost in a musical matter, and looked at one another. I could have seen sparks fly between them if I had imagined it, because the scene was just so fitting, so undoubtedly real. They had arguments, but I could fathom none that had ended like this.

I had enjoyed them before this, and expected them to be so much like puppets that I had forgotten something (perhaps because I had read so much—okay, and _wrote_ so much—fan fiction).

They are not fictional objects. They are characters. They are, in a very broad and metaphorical sense, people. And people, metaphorically or not, have hearts.

Katara is not an overgrown spoiled tween looking for love in all the wrong places, and Aang is not some horny juvenile who merely adores the Waterbender for her splendor and curves. No, no...their attraction is much deeper than that.

I suppose that what I saw that day—Katara's unmistakable laughter and Aang's whimsical nature, as well as Zuko and Mai's argument—made KatAang what KatAang is, a more than acceptable relationship on the grounds of friendship and attraction, and not just making flaming hot love to the Fire Prince, in an effort to produce more flaming hot grandchildren, most of which come in unnatural shades of blue and red.

I kept these thoughts to myself, smiled at the two, and dismissed them: in a good mood, and in fear of the Zutarians.

That night I walked up to my own room and found a less than pleasing sight: all of my camras, microphones, and other rigging equiptment had been pulled out from their original places. Or at leas, that is what it looked like. Next to my bed I had a full wall of many different screens and recorders. The area, instead of being lit with pictures of the rooms and hallways and alive with chatter, was _black_, and completely silent.

Some one had done something to my system.

-_This is your friendly neighborhood Fic Shrink, signing off, and locking my doors until the reviews flow in._

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